On the eve of your FIRST birthday...

Dear Oliver,

We made it!! This year has flown by and I'm afraid time will just speed up.

As I write this, on the eve of your first birthday, I am flooded with memories and emotions.  The love I feel for you is an intense and fierce love. One that only grows stronger every day. I am so very proud of the little boy you are becoming and excited to see the man you'll be. (But not too soon, ok?) 

This mama thing is hard, I'm not going to lie. I've had moments I'm not proud of. Moments where I've let satan whisper to me how I'm getting it all wrong. That I'll never figure it out and you'll end up in therapy because I screwed up so badly.

I've shed tears over silly things, sometimes while you're crying, too (your poor daddy). But Jesus is ALWAYS there to remind me I don't have to be perfect. (It's ok if you eat nuggets, crackers, and even sugar. It's ok if you're having cupcakes on your birthday from a grocery store.) He tells me to love and that, sweet one, I can do. 

I want to thank you for making me a mommy. For pushing me, strengthening me, loving me. You have brought us more joy than we could've ever imagined. You have touched many lives in your first year and we are in awe. 

The three of us are leaving the baby season and entering the toddler years. I know there will be challenges, more tears, and tantrums. But OH, the joy. The overwhelming, heart bursting, make you sing and shout, kind of joy. 

I want you to know that you are one of a kind. You are special. You are meant for greatness and you will do BIG things if you follow the Lord with all your heart all your days. Believe it.

We love you so very much, Oliver! For always. 

"You are my angel, my darling, my star...and my love will find you wherever you are." - Nancy Tillman